Major Suck

Pardon my crass title, but it's the only thing I could come up with that accurately reflects how I feel tonight.  True confession time, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 11 years ago.  It's, thankfully, the relapsing-remitting type of MS which means that most of the time, nobody would ever know that I have the disease.  There are those times, however, that it rears it's ugly head and today is one of them. 

In fact, I had some muscle spasms and started to feel the fatigue part of MS a few days ago, but the eliptical debacle could be blamed for the muscle cramps and who isn't fatigued?  When I'm having an episode, I experience problems with my gait, double-vision, delibitating fatigue, muscle spasms, all-over joint pain and some speech issues.  Voila!  Today I woke up with all of the above.  Fun, huh?  So, as you've probably figured out by now, DWA did not happen tonight.

Actually, I intended to go anyway.  I have always read that exercise is good for muscle spasms, joint pain, etc.  But the dang fatigue after a day of work did not abate after taking a power-nap, and as the clock kept ticking toward DWA-hour, I was less and less enthusiastic about dragging myself upstairs (gait and joint pain), changing, dragging myself downstairs, driving to the Y (double-vision), walking from the parking lot to the locker room, putting my stuff in the locker (muscle spasms), walking to the pool, getting in the water and actually doing the moves.  I think you get my drift.

I'm disappointed in myself.  I'm annoyed that I have this blasted disease.  I'm sick of the incredible heatwave that most of the U.S. is experiencing -- always contributes as a trigger.  I'm seething at my ex-husband who has been a total buster lately and added to my daily stress (another trigger).  And, just as much as those emotions, I'm embarrassed that I have slipped on my resolution to participate in this class every Monday and Wednesday over the summer. 

So, now you see why the title of this entry is so fitting!